Hopes up to high...

and there it goes again..the whole secondary school saga....just when i was hoping and praying, so darn freakin hard to not have any enemies in JC.....
whats the F***ing use of doin all you can to be nice to a few people eh??
end of the day, even a small thing that you do to make another person move on with her life, and mind you, with no intention at all of dissin the person, you'll end up bein the bad girl...
misunderstood again F***ing hell!!!

AND OH GOD I HATE THIS FEELING SO MUCH!!!!!
i've never wanted to bring myself to say this,
but at this juncture,
MY BLODDY LIFE SUX!!!
urgh....god, it hurts
but why don't you answer my prayers?
and why issit you keep wanting to teach me lessons in life till this extent??

how have i failed you??

Before it hurts some more....

10.42pm*the without himness feelin again*

How annoying issit when you see almost everyone around you bein attatched?
Gosh i bless them so much, but deep down its like i know to a certain extent i envy them cos they've got that special someone there for them.....
There's really NO use hanging on,
cos there's really know way what i expect to happen WILL happen...

so why bother holding on?

At times like this i wonder why karma loves to play such sick games...i don't mean to hurt anyone... but what's karma trying to make me do then?

i see couples holding hands and walking along the pavements after a rainy day, i see couples lying on each others shoulders in the bus,
i see him
and i see her....
the love thats so evident in both their eyes....
the love that makes it feel that that moment could last a lifetime.....

Gosh i want that so bad...with someone who's worthy of my love...
cos it hurts, to fall deeper and deeper, over and over again into that bottomless pit....

Get Back

*Rainy Sunday Afternoon*Sad* =(

and to think that a girl would have learnt a really good lesson after rushing into her previous relationship...urgh....
but deep inside im really wishing, i could go back to that day, not too long ago(i mean, seriously), when i lay down on your lap on that cold cement floor, as you sang ever so softly...

i could stay awake
just to hear you breathing
watch you smile while you are sleepin
while your far away and dreamin

i could spend my life
in this sweet surrender
i could stay lost in this moment forever

then you bent over and planted a kiss on my forehead, and cheek.....

every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure..

then you look into my eyes, makin me thank God that i had found someone like you...

I didn't wanna close my eyes,
Didn't wanna fall asleep
Cos i'd miss you baby
and i didn't wanna miss a thing...
Cos even when i'd dream of you
the sweetest dream would never do...
i'd still miss you baby
and i didn't wanna miss a thing...

even though you were right there, so close, i still felt like i missed you....
and now that i know that your no longer there
imagine how much i miss you...
how much i wish to see you...
how much i wish i could hear your voice again
how much i wish i could stay in your arms
or how much i wish i could go back to that day, when i lay on your lap....

The rain may be beautiful on its own,
but getting drenched in it with you by my side gave it a whole new meaning...
To mean enough to make me forget the last time i was in it with someone i thought i loved...

it really was too good to last wasn't it...
so now i know,
i'll never feel your lips pressed up against mine again
i'll never be able to admire your beautiful smile ever again
but hey, deep inside i'll keep hoping and i'll keep praying..
cos this time it IS different
cos this time, i dare say out....

I can love you more....

Hurt, or Get Hurt..

Urgh...
I feel totally screwed up for putting my best friend through crap..
i don't know what the hell on earth i did to have caused him so much pain...
in the end, i have no one to blame but myself...
Come to think of it...What a shadow of my past used to tell me that i ignored before does make sense now...

Friendship DOES and HAS to have boundaries..

i mean come on la stupid bimbo!
which guy FRIEND says I love you before putting down!
which guy FRIEND would hang on the phone with you till late into the night!
which guy FRIEND would give up anything to come see you!

URGH! its my fault!!!
i freakin gave him hope!!!
I Led him on!!!
ITS MY FAULT!!!!!

i just can't force myself to like him....cos i know that i'd hurt him...
i stop myself cos i know that he deserves better...
he just doesn't realise it....

Cos its either he gets hurt.....or i get hurt....for bein with someone i dont wanna be with....

Chances and Choices

1.1oam*Bewilderment*

Human beings are of the most confusing species God has ever created. And trust me, i take no pride in proclaiming that i am one. Most of the time we carry out things in our life without thinking of the possible consequences that it may bring about for us in the near future..God gives us choices, that we should never doubt, but it is us who rather take those choices as chances and carry on with whatever floats their boat, blatantly forgetting to consider repurcussions.

Examples??

1) Relationships- We are all given a choice to choose between friendship or "love", but in the end, with the thought of "love" in our minds, using the term friendship, we carry on to get to know that person, letting them use their breath-taking flattery techniques on us. Now see, we take a chance! In the end we tell the world, "i don't know how it happened? it just did, i fell in love unknowingly" when deep down we know EXACTLY Damn well why cupid hit us...And in the end when we get dumped, we blame God for the decision that we made! But HEY in the end it really is our fault, for not realising that we are still too darn immature to differentiate true LOVE from "Love"!

2)Studies- This ones Easy! God gives us a choice to study or to slack! YOU choose to SLACK! YOU FAIL! i mean come on! its not like he didn't try to get us across the bridge! For heavens sake he gave you teachers in the form of planks to get you across! He also showed you the rough waters hundreds of feet down to make you realise what you would get yourself into if you don't TRY! End of the day it is your fault and you have no one else to blame! But that doesnt mean swearing or cursing yourself is gonna get you anywhere! GET UP AND GET GOING!


I know this entry may make it seem like i've been through alot but trust me i haven't, what i went through is nothing compared to what i've seen other loved ones go through, so it's best we learn from other peoples mistakes, rather than going through it ourselves..that way its alot less painful... So open your eyes, Realise what your gonna put yourself through before making that choice and taking that chance... Sorry if i bored you guys yeah?